I always thought that nights should be peaceful and relaxing, but it seems to me that the only thing i feel is sad scared and alone in the middle of the night. Just like when i was a little girl, and i was scared of the monsters in my closet or under my bed. Now it is so much more terrifying, now i have to come to terms with letting go moving on and not wanting what i once had, not missing something that is gone. Trying to be okay with what is going to happen next in my life, even though i have no clue.....these monsters are much worse then the ones that were, in my closet.
I always wonder if this is just me, because when i feel like this and i just want to talk to someone, to feel like i am not alone like normal people they are asleep; maybe even dreaming of amazing things. So am i really alone to just lay hear with my thoughts or are there others doing the same thing. It kinda makes me laugh that i can be perfectly fine when the sun is up in the day with people around me, i feel confident self-assured, happy, beautiful and strong; but when that sun goes down and i am left alone things change.
Maybe that is my biggest weakness is allowing myself to be like that, why don't i make myself be that day person at night?.....i guess i don't have all the answers in my head but maybe that is the point. Another step i have to overcome to be me.......
emily
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